With that, I want to say that I am leaving this blog up as an archive, but I am discontinuing its use. I now have a personal blog at another-skywalker.tumblr.com, and a photo inspiration blog for my gogo troupe at bacchusboogiers.tumblr.com.
Yes, I am still gogo dancing. Gogo boys rule.
I wanted to post a public coming-out, though most who care already got the memo, one way or another. But it occurs to me that as this can be a sensitive topic, people have a tendency to handle it more delicately than I need them to, and as a consequence there might be things you’re wondering about but not bringing up, so I feel like I should do it for you. Furthermore, I want to post this for myself, as an exercise in openness, as speaking my mind has always been difficult for me. Finally, I’m tried of our culture acting like this is a topic that needs to be kept quiet, that we should be ashamed of and only whisper about. I’ve kept my feelings a secret my while life, and it’s time for me to get loud.
For those I have not told, have not been told by others, or have not gathered in other ways: I am a transgender person. I was assigned female at birth, and lived as female until fairly recently, though I always felt very uncomfortable doing so. For most of my life, I varied in my gender presentation, but tended more towards the ultra-feminine, hoping that some day I would get the hang of it and it would start to feel right. Last year, I finally began to accept myself and started the process of coming out and transitioning.
My legal first name has actually always been Christian—Ana was a nickname from childhood derived from Christiana, the feminization of Christian, kinda a long story. I didn’t use my legal first name until December, when I decided to start going by Chris or Christian. I now also use male pronouns. I will not be offended if you forget sometimes, but it is very important to me that you respect my gender identity, and any efforts that you make to affirm it will help me a great deal. I want you to understand that though this process is difficult for me, I feel better now. Things make more sense. I feel far less socially awkward and confused. I feel less daunted by every task, less afraid of the future, less frustrated by the circumstances of my life. What I’m trying to say is that though coming out is difficult and scary, nothing is more difficult than pretending indefinitely to be someone you’re not, no matter how convincing your performance is.
You might have questions, and, personally, I don’t mind answering them. You can message me.
In general, coming out has so far been a beautiful and humbling experience, and has really shown me how wonderful my friends and family are. I am very fortunate.
Above all, I want you guys to remember that I’m the same person I’ve always been, just happier.
(And though most already know, posting this is still pretty scary, so, you know, be nice.)